day 19

saturday, 2am
"marry me. seriously ashley, marry me. i love you. i love you so freakin' much and i want you in my life no matter what. no matter if you hate me or if you're married to me, i have to have you in my life. please marry me."

"i feel like i can't be your boyfriend right now bc i'm afraid; afraid that i might hurt you again and afraid to risk you leaving me forever. sometimes i wish you would just leave me forever so that i can't hurt you anymore but then i would be sad every day. i want to be your boyfriend again... but i can't do it yet. i have to do it when i'm ready."

"lets make a pact. when we're 27, we'll get married. no, f-that, i'm going to marry you anyway. i'm learning how to be a good boyfriend right now, and possibly a good husband, but i'm gonna scoop you up no matter where you are relationship-wise, and we're going to be together. i know this isn't fair to either of us right now, mainly you, but this is what i have to do so that i don't lose you. i am so good at fighting, its my passion, but i can't pick it over you bc that would just break both of our hearts all over again and i can't do that. so, for now, this is how its gonna be."

"what are we gonna do? we're gonna have a blast forever and ever, the rest of our lives. thats what we're gonna do. because i love you"

"what scares me the most is that you can get mad at me for something and just leave. there's technically no commitment here between us, so if you get mad at me for something you can just leave and never come back. that scares me. please... don't leave me."
.....
what am i supposed to do now?